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Although last week’s column was written shortly after Christmas, I somehow overlooked a seasonal character who is a shining example of imperfection. I left off Rudolph.

Flying reindeer are easy to love, especially one with such an unlikely success story. In the beginning Rudolph’s glowing nose led to scorn from his peers. Later, however, his bright beacon endeared him to everyone. If he had not led St. Nick’s sleigh through dense fog that Christmas Eve, children around the world would have awakened to disappointment, especially those on the nice list.

Our hearts are warmed when Rudolph’s peculiarity propels him to heroic status. It’s sobering, however, to consider that if those night skies had been crystal clear, Rudolph might have remained an outcast. He may have never been invited to join in any reindeer games.

The Ugly Duckling also had a tough start due to his appearance. He looked drastically different than the little ducks he considered family. In callous fashion they let him know he was too odd a bird to hang around with them. They ran him off without a care of where he went or how he fared.

Life seemed foreboding as the disheartened little fellow searched for acceptance. Then a hint is given to the reader of what’s to come when some lovely swans fly by. He wistfully admired their splendid beauty while having no idea he too was a swan. It wasn’t until he saw his reflection in the water that he rejoiced in what would have seemed impossible.

Hans Christian Anderson didn’t tell us if the young swan returned to visit the ducks who had made fun of him. Surely it must have been tempting to do some graceful flyovers and listen to their disbelieving quacks. I prefer to think he took the high road and forgave them, but I don’t know much about swans.   

I’m not sure what inspired the story of The Ugly Duckling. Maybe it was nothing more than the product of a writer’s imagination. Rudolph, on the other hand, was created by Robert L. May in 1939 as an assignment from Montgomery-Ward and was reportedly influenced by his own childhood experiences.

May said he had been treated somewhat like Rudolph when he was a kid. What those details are, I don’t know, but it seems his early bout with misery helped bring to life a much-beloved character.

Real life stories don’t always have happy endings like Rudolph or The Ugly Duckling. Quite often, however, things turn out better than expected if we don’t give up. Or if we’re blessed by a helping hand along the way. Such a story belongs to one of my favorite writers, Sean Dietrich.

At a family Christmas gathering a few years ago, a relative suggested I might enjoy reading a daily blog titled Sean of the South. I haven’t missed a day since. I only know Sean through his writing but have gained immense admiration for his talent, humor, and insightful musings.

It’s a struggle for me to come up with a weekly column of questionable value. How someone can write seven days a week and keep it consistently interesting and worthwhile I don’t understand. It must be a God thing.

Sean’s childhood was marred by family tragedy and challenges which he didn’t always handle well. Yet through those troubles and times of insecurity, he became a writer whose enormous compassion is a source of encouragement to thousands.

He gives his wife, Jamie, much of the credit for his success. She believed in him and believed in them. She saw a man whose kind heart was so big it had to be shared.    

In the story of The Ugly Duckling, beauty was discovered without assistance, but he sure could have used some help early on. Rudolph, thankfully, got a break when Santa put him at the front of the sleigh. And Sean’s blessing came when a young lady saw potential, then nurtured it with love.

We all know someone who could use a helping hand or maybe just needs a friend. The best way to go about that may require some pondering and praying. A good place to start is by focusing on the positives. And by knowing that sometimes that means looking for the advantages of imperfection.      

Last week’s column was about the futility of seeking perfection with too much intensity. This week we’re going in the opposite direction and exploring some advantageous aspects of imperfection. I’m not suggesting we celebrate our shortcomings, but there are lessons to be learned when circumstances are not what we consider ideal.

Sometimes I wonder if God created male pattern baldness to help keep men humble. I’m not sure there’s any part of the aging process that’s bothered me more than hair loss. It’s hard to believe I once needed a blow dryer to get the dampness out of my ample brown locks. A hand towel can now readily address the sparse gray hairs. If towels needed water to survive, mine would perish.

Early in the process of thinning hair, my favorite barber-wife combination reluctantly agreed to give me a buzz cut. A few days afterward, a hair-stylist friend I hadn’t seen in several years stopped by the bank. When BJ told me I was looking good, I made a light-hearted mention of my eroding scalp coverage.

“You don’t need it,” she said with conviction and a warm smile. I knew she was lying, and I knew that she knew she was lying, but it was funny and uplifting and struck me as a perfect response to my flirtation with chagrin. Later reflections on her kind, clever line helped me realize she was right.

BJ was referring mostly to my looks, I believe, but I eventually began to think about what she said in a broader sense. Hair doesn’t define us unless we let it. It doesn’t change who we are or affect what’s in our hearts. It doesn’t impact faith, family, health, or anything that really matters. 

So, that’s why every now and then, when I’m tempted to mourn the loss of my hair, I look in the mirror and address the skeptic who is looking back. “Remember,” I say to him, “you don’t need it.”

If we focus too much on imperfections, it distracts from what we can accomplish. Bob Dylan is a good example. My guess is that no one predicted a guy with such a lackluster voice and peculiar demeanor would become a major influence in the music industry.

His guidance counselor probably tried to steer Bob away from what surely would have seemed a disastrous career path. Yet he’s written songs that are known around the world, sold millions of records, and doubtlessly inspired others who don’t fit the traditional mold of entertainers.

Willie Nelson has to be mentioned in the annals of unlikely successes. The first time I came to really appreciate Willie was when I heard, “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.” Until then his nasal tone had struck me as too much even for a country singer. And he didn’t have the movie star looks of an Elvis or the commanding presence of a Johnny Cash.

But when I heard Willie singing that tender song, which he also wrote, I instantly became a fan. “When someday we meet up yonder, we’ll stroll hand in hand again, in a land that knows no parting, blue eyes crying in the rain.”

How he packed such a moving story into so few lines I don’t understand, but every time I hear that soulful tune I’m amazed. And sometimes I think back to his early struggles, a slow road to success because his voice wasn’t smooth as silk and his looks were less than spectacular. Yet somehow, Willie became sort of a national treasure.

It shouldn’t be surprising there are advantages of imperfection. The Apostle Paul addressed that topic from a very personal standpoint. We can only speculate as to what the thorn in his flesh was. (2 Corinthians 12: 7-10) Perhaps it’s left to our imaginations so that we won’t embrace too narrow of an interpretation.

Paul asked God three times to take the thorn away, but God didn’t oblige. He told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul not only accepted God’s decision but came to heartily embrace it. “For when I am weak,” he said, “then I am strong.”

I don’t know what thorns my readers may be dealing with nor how serious they may be. But I know that despite our imperfections, and sometimes because of them, God can use us in His kingdom’s work. As this new year begins, it’s a good time to search for the advantages of imperfection.

And if you feel the urge, you might want to look in the mirror and tell the one who is looking back, “You don’t need it.”

Not long before Christmas, a close friend sent me a column by Patricia Holbrook. Although I wasn’t familiar with the author, the topic caught my attention and her fine writing kept it. She described herself as a recovering perfectionist, a label my pal understands quite well.

In the sixth grade he wrote “Strive for Perfection” on an index card and placed it on his mirror. That short phrase was a guiding principle during childhood and has remained so in the decades since. As he nears the three score and ten mark his accomplishments are many. Countless lives have been enriched through his efforts and he’s still going strong.

Like Ms. Holbrook, however, and the example she used of John Quincy Adams, he has increasingly realized that attaining perfection is unrealistic. While doing our best is a wonderful quality, seeking perfection can be frustrating. Even if our bus stops in Nirvana, as in the poem by Charles Bukowski, our lovely visit in the comforting diner will assuredly be brief. Before we have a second cup of coffee, the driver is likely to announce it’s time to leave.

I’m not sure what prompted my friend to send me the article. Perhaps he thought it would provide inspiration for a column. That’s been a struggle for a while now and troubles me more than it should. During the first four years of writing Joiner’s Corner, I stayed ten columns ahead and had a long list of potential topics. As I approach the five-year mark, however, I’m down to a single spare musing and unsure what lies ahead.  

Depleted inventory is a bit unsettling for someone behind on a plan he once thought essential. So maybe that’s why I received the column and appreciated the lady’s godly perspective. My friend knows that others, including myself, sometimes become frenzied in our quests for perfection.

It might be helpful to remind ourselves there’s only been one perfect man, unless we give credence to some unproven claims. One such story I recall hearing is about a preacher who posed a rhetorical question to his congregation. He asked, “Have any of you ever known a perfect man?”

As people smiled and nodded their heads sidewards, an older fellow in the back stood up. “I have,” said the gray-haired gentleman with conviction. “My wife’s first husband.”

A second claim to perfection is courtesy of a Mac Davis song. The late Stan Gambrell, Vienna’s City Manager, made almost daily trips to Bank of Dooly where I worked. We’d often chat briefly, sometimes on business matters but mostly just exchanging friendly banter as was once common in rural banks. He walked into my office one day singing a tune I’d never heard and thought he had composed.

“Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way. I can’t wait to look in the mirror because I get better looking each day. To know me is to love me. I must be a hell of a man. Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble, but I’m doing the best that I can.”

Stan had a gift for coming up with memorable phrases and he wrote several songs that could have been hits. The chorus he was singing that day, while sporting a familiar sly smile, sounded exactly like something he would have penned.

Assuming we discount those two claims of perfection, that leaves only one example for guidance toward a perfect life. Jesus made it clear that effort is important. The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25: 14-30 conveys a great lesson on doing the best with what we have, regardless of how big or small our resources may be.

The same holds true for every aspect of life. The Widow’s Mite, Luke 21: 1-4, is where Jesus points to a lady who had nothing to spare yet gave all she had. When we give only what we won’t miss, we fall short of the mark.

Perfection, however, is an elusive goal, whether it pertains to work, family, hobbies, or spiritual matters. It’s good to remember what Jesus said in John 10: 10 – “I have come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.” Sometimes when I focus too much on my shortcomings, I like to picture Jesus saying that just to me. Faith, despite our imperfections, offers us the abundant life. It’s not a life without challenges, but when it’s over we’ll no longer be in search of perfection. Those who have claimed it, will by the grace of God have found it.

Don’t be alarmed by the title. Joe Louis’ storyline isn’t expected to last 15 rounds. This is probably my final musing on the great boxer, but I wasn’t quite finished with, “You can run but you can’t hide.” I also found a few other quotes he reportedly made which pack some potent punches. One I especially like is, “Everyone has a plan until they’ve been hit.”

Whether the latter quote should be credited to Louis is debatable. A similar statement was documented as early as 1871 and attributed to Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, a Prussian military strategist. Other notable figures, including Ike Eisenhower, have expressed that same line of thought.

Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson made a parallel quote in 1987 which was widely reported and often repeated. When asked about an opponent’s strategy that might prove troublesome, Tyson said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” People who earn their living between the ropes seem to have a penchant for catchy phrases. Mohammed Ali comes to mind and every professional wrestler who has slammed an opponent with a folding chair.

All of that introductory material is to let you know I have no idea who first expressed something that captured the essence of the quotes we’re perusing today. Their origins may go all the way back to the Garden of Eden.

After the first couple disobeyed God, they tried to hide among the trees He had made for their enjoyment. “Where are you?” God asked, although He already knew. Satan had convinced Adam and Eve that eating the one forbidden fruit would make them like the One who had created it. The plan seemed simple enough and had great appeal. Until they got hit.

Another example is found in the next generation. The apple apparently didn’t fall far from the tree. Cain was jealous of his brother, Able, and killed him, thinking his sin would not be discovered. When God asked Cain where Able was, he said, “I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?” Cain thought he could hide. Until he got hit.

In Noah’s day the people were so corrupt God decided to destroy the whole earth and give mankind a fresh start. Noah, however, was a righteous man, so he and his family were spared by following God’s instructions. Building an enormous ark on dry land surely must have subjected him to taunts and ceaseless ridicule. I’ve often wondered how he fared within his own family.

“Seriously, Noah,” his wife may have asked, “do you really need to spend all your time building a monstrosity of a boat with no water in sight?” 

The people went about living however they wanted. They thought everything was fine. Then rain began falling like never before and there were no hills left to climb. They followed a plan of their own choosing, which seemed to be working well. Until they got hit.   

Jonah took a boat toward Tarsus instead of going to Nineveh as God directed. He didn’t like God’s plan, so he came up with his own, then ended up in the belly of a fish for three days and nights. Jonah tried to hide by running away. His plan seemed rather clever. Until he got hit.

I’ll close by mentioning Goliath, a giant Philistine warrior who seemed unstoppable. Yet a boy named David met him in battle and slung a rock which struck him between the eyes. Goliath wasn’t hiding from anyone, but maybe he should have been. He had a plan that looked solid. Until he got hit.

Some things never change, I suppose. Countless people, including myself, tend to make our plans and tailor them to suit our preferences. When life is going well, it’s especially easy to neglect seeking direction from above. It’s tempting to focus more on the here rather than the hereafter.

Christmas is barely over, its joyous celebration of that Bethlehem night still warming our hearts. But Easter is not far away, a time to reflect less on how Jesus came to earth than why. Even among Christians, our ideas about life and faith are quite varied. There are two things, however, perhaps we can all agree on.

You can run but you can’t hide. Everyone has a plan until they get hit.

Last week I shared a few things about the great Joe Louis. I won’t revisit his compelling story today but want to talk more about a paraphrase of his best-known quote. The popular rendering, “You can run but you can’t hide,” brought several memories to the surface.

A childhood misdemeanor first came to mind. It wasn’t my fault, of course, but irrefutable evidence placed me at the scene of the crime and indicated substantial involvement.

Larry and David, two of my cousins who lived near us, were at our house with their parents. Larry is a year older than I am and David a year younger, so we often played together as kids. Normally we would have been outside, but it was after supper on a cold moonless night.

Playing hide and seek in a small house has severe limitations. That’s probably why someone saw potential in hiding on the top shelf of a bedroom closet. Navigating between flimsy carboard boxes of Christmas decorations, including fragile red and green balls, didn’t seem problematic. It’s easy to wiggle into tight spaces during early childhood. Years later we might still be able to squeeze in, but it’s more challenging to get out. The same holds true for mischief.  

It’s escaped my memory who suggested that someone could fit on top of a shelf. It wasn’t me, of course, but when a kid sees that something daring can be done, he’s prone to want a turn. The faint sounds of ornaments shattering didn’t hamper our fun. Adrenaline took over our developing brains. 

My recollection of how our misconduct was discovered is vague. Whether Larry and David’s participation was known to their parents, I don’t recall. What I remember is going to bed quickly and turning off the light, thinking I had evaded a close call. But parents, we realize later, are not oblivious to such matters. They just choose to ignore a lot of our misdeeds.

Daddy swatted me a couple of times with his belt. It wasn’t much of a whipping as that never was his style. He took an Andy Griffith approach to discipline and lived what he taught. There’s a lot to be said for a good example, especially when it reflects a man’s true character. My punishment wasn’t traumatic by any means, but I learned at an early age, “You can run but you can’t hide.”

A track meet was the next instance that came to mind. Unadilla High was a small school where almost anyone who wanted could participate in sports. My friend, David Fullington, suggested we play football our senior year. Coach Billy Brooks, who was also our principal, welcomed us to the team. To play, however, you had to run track in the spring. So that’s how a tall skinny kid who was short on talent became a two-sport athlete for a very brief time. They even gave me a Blue Devil U-Club jacket with patches I greatly admired but knew were undeserved.

My classmate and four-sport star, Smitty, was setting a fast pace to a meet in Montezuma driving his GTO. Another classmate and short-track sensation, Wayne, was behind him. I followed Wayne in my 1964 Chevy Impala with its blue $99.95 Earl Scheib paint job. Our three cars were packed with friends as Smitty led a quick trip down Highway 230. Everything was copasetic until a Georgia State Trooper, I think his name was Griffin, passed us and pointed toward the shoulder of the road.

At the bottom of a hill, the officer stopped and Smitty pulled over. Wayne, however, took a side road, an idea which struck me and my passengers with immense appeal. We laughed all the way to Montezuma about Smitty getting a ticket while we escaped. It was hilarious until Coach Stanly Copeland called the track team together and read out some license plate information. “Whoever was driving those two cars needs to go back to Byromville,” he said. “There’s a state patrolman waiting to see you.”

The trooper was so mad his hands were shaking as he wrote the tickets. “I was planning on giving you boys a warning,” he said, “but that won’t work now.” We apologized rather sheepishly then returned to Montezuma. I was sitting on a bleacher when Coach Copeland approached.  

“Joiner,” he asked, “You want to run the mile?”

“Not all that much,” I replied. He grinned and said okay, knowing it wouldn’t affect the outcome of the race. I think he was just offering me a chance to burn some nervous energy.

I can’t say that running track changed my life. But choosing the wrong road that day was a lesson that’s stayed with me. Joe Louis was right. You can run but you can’t hide.

Joe Louis Barrow is considered one of the greatest boxers of all time. He retired in 1951, a year before my birth, so I didn’t grow up watching him and don’t know much of his story except what little I’ve read. Something I vaguely remember, however, is my father telling me about a fight between Louis and a German boxer. It happened in a time when tensions between Germany and America were high.

Details of the fight had long escaped my memory, so I did some online research. The fight Daddy referenced took place in 1938 between Joe Louis and Max Schmeling. They had met in the ring once before in 1936. Schmeling won that first match, giving Louis one of only three losses in his storied career. Louis won their second match with a technical knockout in round one.

Their 1938 rematch attracted worldwide attention. Schmeling was viewed as representing the politics of Adolph Hitler and the Nazi Party. Louis was seen as fighting for the United States and the free world. It was an era of strict segregation, well before issues of civil rights were common headlines. But when The Brown Bomber punched his way to victory, people of every color and a wide-range of political persuasions rejoiced. He landed a blow for freedom that was felt around the globe. 

Although Schmeling served as an elite paratrooper in the German Air Force in World War II, it was revealed long after the war that he risked his life in 1938 to save two young Jewish children. There were probably other young German soldiers with guns in their hands but no malice in their hearts. Doing the right thing often comes at a heavy cost. Choices, even when clear, are not always simple.       

The two boxers became friends and remained so until Louis’ death in 1981 at age 66. Schmeling served as a pallbearer for his earlier competitor. He died at age 99 in 2005.

These first paragraphs are just a short introduction to the legacy of Joe Louis, and a reminder of an event that helped unite our country. Disagreements are mostly what make the news and understandably so. Joe Louis, however, delivered something Americans could cheer for together. Those moments don’t come often, or maybe we don’t look closely enough for them.

A quote widely attributed to Joe Louis is what I want to focus on today: “He can run but he can’t hide.” It’s generally accepted that Louis made this statement prior to a title fight with Billy Conn in 1941. Conn was the world light-heavyweight champion and Louis the heavyweight title holder. Someone suggested that the lighter and more nimble Conn might adopt a hit-and-run strategy to avoid Louis’ powerful fists. That’s when the now famous response was reportedly uttered.

As predicted, the fight evolved with Conn hitting Louis then retreating beyond his reach. At the end of 12 rounds, Conn’s technique appeared to be working. He was ahead on two of the three judges’ scorecards. True to what he’d said, though, Louis caught up with Conn in round 13 and knocked him out.

It may seem out of place to switch gears here and talk about a world-class roach infestation, but Louis’ oft-repeated quote is what reminded me of the great fighter. I shared earlier about an old house our family owns. The tenants had moved but apparently forgot to take their food, clothes, and trash with them. A legion of roaches with defiant attitudes had greeted us at the back door.

When sparring with those detestable critters, I’ve been paraphrasing the great Joe Louis. I recently learned these are German roaches, so they may not understand my southern brand of the King’s English. But it makes me feel better to look into their beady eyes and warn them, “You can run but you can’t hide.”

The battle isn’t over, but their troops are looking haggard. Maybe I can’t eliminate the entire roach population, but their lives won’t be easy with food stored securely and fresh caulk in every crack. And if the spray doesn’t eventually overwhelm them, perhaps they’ll leave when they read the sign I’m posting above the mantle: Sie konnen ausfuhren, aber nicht sich verstekien.

That’s a rough approximation, according to my multi-lingual friend Eddie Hightower. I don’t know how long these German roaches have been here, so I’ll also provide the English version to make sure they get the message. Joe Louis wasn’t kidding, and I’m not either. You can run but you can’t hide.

Back-to-back stories on candy weren’t in my plans, but I found the idea too sweet to resist. Please forgive me for such an elementary pun. Sometimes, I can’t help myself. At other times I don’t try.

While writing last week’s column, a number of candy-related childhood memories came to mind. One I especially treasure was when our family visited in a home about a mile south of us.

Mr. Henry McWhorter and his wife, Miss Jewel, were a nice elderly couple, somewhat older than my parents. His brother and sister-in-law, Joe and Eunice, lived next door to them. All the McWhorters were friends of our family and had been since well before I was born. We saw them each Sunday at Harmony Baptist Church, and during the week at Joiner’s Store or passing along the road.

The McWhorter families lived in modest homes on their small family farm. The two brothers and their wives, who were sisters, were good-natured folks. Mr. Henry, who I saw most often, had a warm and ever-present smile. Perhaps it reflected his contentment with simple living, but I gave little thought to such things back then.  

Only once do I recall visiting with Mr. Henry and Miss Jewel in their home. Maybe we went there on other occasions, but one night stands out for two reasons – peanut brittle and Cremora.

My mother is a wonderful cook and has baked her share of pound cakes and lemon pies. Peanut brittle, however, has never been in her regular lineup. Miss Jewel McWhorter, on the other hand, made peanut brittle that was hard to keep a lid on.    

A friend and former co-worker of mine, Judy Daniels, makes marvelous peanut brittle using her Grandma Powers’ recipe. It’s perfect, like Miss Jewels’ was, perhaps because its origins date back to the same era. Judy’s brittle is packed with peanuts and doesn’t stick to your teeth. Stuck brittle isn’t a major problem if you’re eating at home, but it’s tough to handle in a crowd. It can be dislodged but your wife will be annoyed, and you’re likely to be struck from future guest lists. Word gets around.

I don’t have room to name all the renowned candy makers in Dooly County, but I can’t write about peanut brittle without mentioning one of my favorite high school teachers, Mrs. Ruth Cross. Someone, I don’t recall who, told me a few years ago about the bidding wars for Miss Ruth’s peanut brittle at an annual church auction. Her brittle brings top dollar for Lottie Moon Christmas Offerings at Unadilla First Baptist. Lottie would be pleased, I believe, to know homemade candy from Dooly County is helping send missionaries to share the gospel all over the world.          

Miss Jewel’s peanut brittle was memorable enough I never forgot it. Plus, there was the thrill of being introduced to Cremora. That was my first experience with a powdered non-dairy creamer. Seeing it on TV was as close as I’d ever been. Our cow, Star, was from the old school and only gave liquid milk.       

The coffee I drank during early childhood was loaded with sugar and cream. I don’t remember drinking it except at breakfast. The option of Cremora, however, left no doubt in my mind I was having coffee with Miss Jewel. The thought of living on the edge was too tempting to resist.     

There’s no telling how much white powder and sugar I added to my cup. I kept shaking and stirring, transitioning my black coffee toward milkshake status. Whether I enjoyed it more than usual or not, I can’t say. What I remember is experiencing something new. It’s an odd memory, I suppose, to have stayed with me for sixty or so years, but sometimes little moments seem to last the longest.

Nothing special was going on that night at the McWhorter’s, just our family of four and the two of them spending time together. I think they had a wood-burning stove to heat the room, but that detail may belong to another place. Their home wasn’t fancy and there was not anything about the evening that seemed remarkable. Yet somehow that memory surfaces every now and then. And each time it does, I’m tenderly reminded of a lovely couple from long ago.

Cremora, I’ve often thought, is why I’ve continued to remember that night, and to some extent it is. But what I’ve grown to value most is a reminder that good fellowship doesn’t require an elaborate setting or extensive planning. It can be as simple as sharing a cup of coffee and peanut brittle. And sometimes we get an extra blessing from a memory that grows sweeter with time. No pun intended.

Today.com recently carried an article which rated eight name-brand candies according to how they impact our health. Only one of them is in our candy bowl, so the information wasn’t devastating. A last place finish for Snickers, however, is rather troubling.

On our kitchen counter is a lovely wooden bowl that was hand carved by Matt Stephens, a former pastor at Vienna First Baptist Church. Filled with a variety of bite-size sweets, Snickers is well represented. I should disclose, however, that dark chocolate Dove requires the most restocking. Several years ago, Jane read that moderate consumption of dark chocolate has been credited with minor health benefits. If benefits are proportionate to consumption, I’m in the best shape of my life.          

Much to my chagrin, the author noted that potential advantages of dark chocolate are adversely affected by significant sugar content. I tend to disagree based on reverse analysis. I’ve had unsweetened chocolate. The taste was bitter and I felt no better. Maybe I should have swallowed.

Snickers apparently provide major health benefits. It was the official snack of the 1984 Olympics in which our country won a record 83 gold medals. Perhaps athletes need a little sugar in their fuel to reach the top spot on the podium. When peanuts, chocolate, and caramel merge, good things happen.

My affinity for Snickers began in childhood at Joiner’s Store. Uncle Emmet kept several choices of candy bars in a glass case on the left-hand side as you walked in. Snickers was my preference with an occasional Milky Way or Baby Ruth for nutritional balance. Since I was family, I could wait on myself. For most customers my uncle would slide open one of the little wooden doors on the back, get the candy out, then ring up the sale, which usually included an ice-cold drink in a glass bottle like God intended.

The store didn’t have air conditioning, just a big fan on a sturdy metal pole that stirred the warm air of summer. Hot weather is when we had to be careful. If candy stayed in the case too long, little white worms would appear. I used to wonder how they got through the wrappers. In summertime, I’d break my candy bars in half to make sure nothing was moving, then check again after taking a bite.

At some point it occurred to me there could be worms which were too tiny to wiggle. So, in July and August, I was mostly a Moon Pie man. Two options were displayed on a rack straight in front as you as you walked in. I rotated between vanilla, to compliment my personality, and chocolate for when I felt adventuresome.

Behind the Moon Pies was the bread rack. Little Miss Sunbeam was quite convincing when she held up a slice of bread and said, “Look Ma, no holes.” Then came the catchy jingle, “There’re no holes in Sunbeam bread.” At home I’d sometimes check to see if the inspectors remained diligent. I don’t remember ever finding any holes, and reporting them to the breadman didn’t seem like a good idea, so I gradually stopped looking.      

Honeybuns were on the bread rack and were one of my regular treats. Thinking about them now makes me wish I had one stashed in the kitchen.  I’m talking about the original size, not one of those two-bite mini-buns that won’t fill up a chihuahua.    

A long counter on the right side of the store had a big glass jar filled with cookies. They were a penny each until inflation hit. Uncle Emmet got the cookies out of the jar for his customers. He’d drop them into a little brown paper bag and roll the top down. There wasn’t any handwashing involved, no tongs or rubber gloves. Cookie germs, it seems, are rarely fatal.  

Uncle Emmett only carried one snack that I didn’t care for, which was Stage Planks. Jerry Clower, the late comedian, told a story about a fellow enjoying Stage Planks topped with sardines at a country store. Like the man observing him said, “Bully done flung a craving on me.” I satisfied my curiosity one afternoon by having that same combination sitting on the porch of Joiner’s Store. My position since then is that ginger flavored cookies with pink icing don’t pair well with oily fish.

The recent report about Snickers won’t affect our candy bowl. We’ll keep filling it with a few of our favorites. Contrary to some research, mine clearly indicates there are advantages to consuming the sweets we enjoy most. That must be right, because every time I eat a Snickers or a Dove dark chocolate, I always feel a little bit better.

I’m not much of a sports fan and lack the patience to sit through a whole game of almost anything. Women’s beach volleyball in the Olympics has been an occasional exception. We’ll save that skimpy discussion for a potential future column and stick with the bare facts today. 

Baseball is an especially slow process. Six innings or ten p.m., whichever comes first, is my customary limit. And that’s only in the post season if the Atlanta Braves are playing. I didn’t stay awake past the seventh inning stretch during the 2021 World Series in which Atlanta defeated the Houston Astros. But I’ll have to say it sure feels good to win.

Jane and I watched baseball with some regularity when the Braves were perennial contenders in the 1990s. We saw the Hall of Fame pitching trio of John Smoltz, Tom Glavine, and Greg Maddux put on some amazing performances.

We pulled for Chipper Jones, Javy Lopez, Fred McGriff, and a roster of players who became part of our extended family. We knew Bobby Cox’s calm demeanor could get disrupted by a bad call from an umpire. Sometimes he got a warning. At other times he earned another check mark on his ejection tally.

My memory isn’t reliable enough to mention specific moments in those playoff games or the World Series they won in 1995. What I do recall, however, is the optimism which Braves fans had for a long time. Some seasons were better than others, but for a number of years it always seemed possible that America’s Team could get another set of rings.

Sports writers have covered every angle of this year’s World Series, so I don’t have much to add. Diehard fans can tell you a lot more about their road to victory than I can. But even for those of us who boarded the train near the end of the line, it sure feels good to win.

It’s hard to say what the best storyline is from the Braves’ recent accomplishment. There were many, but I only have room to mention a few. Let’s begin with the manager.

Brian Snitker is one of the finest examples of persistence I’ve ever seen. He’s been with the Braves’ organization 44 years, most of it in roles that go largely unnoticed. If he got a headline, it was by a hometown paper covering a minor league game.

He made a decent living, I assume, and apparently enjoyed his work. But being named manager late in his career, then leading the team to a championship at age 66, was too far-fetched to even dream about.

Other men and women have had notable accomplishments during their senior years in various fields. Next time I see a list, I’ll pencil in Brian Snitker. And I’ll reflect on how a man past his prime by some standards, quietly and steadily led a group of young men on a trip they will never forget.

Freddie Freeman, the team’s smiling first baseman, has to be mentioned. He’s been called “the face of the Braves” because of his long tenure, steady performance, and good disposition. The Braves had a six to nothing lead in that final game when Freddie hit a solo homer. The seventh run he contributed wasn’t essential, just icing on the cake.

Having Freddie circle the bases at that point was, I thought, as good as it gets. In the top of the ninth, however, Houston was down seven to zip and only had one out left to try and stage a miracle comeback. Dansby Swanson, another fine fellow and native son of Marietta, Georgia, fielded a ground ball and threw it to first base. Freddie Freeman made the catch, and the Braves were once again champions. A better ending could not have been written.

The tribute to Hank Aaron was touching. I can’t help but believe the Good Lord allowed number 44 to enjoy the World Series. Maybe Hank should get some credit for the hot bats of game six, but I can’t say either way. If it’s not okay to pray for a Braves win, I’m already in trouble. 

It was inspiring to see every player standing respectfully for the National Anthem, caps over their hearts as the giant flags waved. And sportsmanship seemed to be in vogue at each game. It’s uplifting when professional athletes set good examples for kids of all ages who admire them.    

There’s no doubt I’ve left out some important aspects of the Braves’ enchanted season, but I hope you’ll excuse me. I only saw the early innings and next day highlights. I don’t claim to be an expert on baseball or America’s Team, but there’s one thing I can say with certainty. It sure feels good to win.

An October column, “Dude The Barking Dog,” described a pet-induced sleep deprivation issue in our household. I asked readers for suggestions and received a number of splendid responses. Dude is still barking, but I’m happy to report a little bit of progress.

Lanier suggested Dude attend a dog training school, or that we return him to our son who granted us custody. I talked to Dude about school, but he showed no interest. Unless his attitude changes, more education would be a waste of money. Plus, he doesn’t like to be away from home at night. I’m a homebody too, so I’m sympathetic to Dude’s preference for his own bed.

Seth could take him to the country, but there aren’t any fences to keep him out of the highway and he doesn’t seem to understand the concept of traffic. When we walk the dirt road beside our house, Dude can be stubborn about letting vehicles or farm equipment go by. Eventually he’ll allow them to pass, but not until they slow down enough he can sniff their tires.

Judy said his barking shows he’s protecting us, something I had not considered. Now when Dude gets cranked up, I’m unsure whether to fuss or give him a treat. She also mentioned a medication prescribed by her vet because of her Callie Belle’s incessant barking during thunderstorms. We tried it for a week and slept much better but the taste was awful.

Smitty explained that the barking doesn’t mean our dog is afraid of trains. Dude is letting us know he wants to take a ride. Smitty suggested I buy Dude an engineer’s cap and put him on the SAM Shortline for a trip to Plains. Having immense confidence in my friend’s advice, I called to buy a ticket. Dogs and small children, I learned, must be accompanied by a responsible adult. I’ve been trying to think of one.

The other issue with a train ride is that only service animals are allowed in first class. When the nice lady asked if Dude was a service dog, I wasn’t about to lie. “No mam,” I said, “He’s never been in the military. I was going to send him to Camp Safety Patrol for a week, but it’s closed and I don’t think they plan to reopen.”

Marlene shared advice that got my attention. She had a problem with her Siamese cat chewing computer wires. After trying multiple deterrents without success, she found that blowing a party horn did the trick. Now she only has to show the horn to the cat to prevent a relapse.  

As I was looking online for party horns, thinking I’d need a supersized one, I ran across a little silver whistle. It seemed like a logical option, plus it came with a decorative chain to hang around my neck. The whistle I ordered, however, was stuck on a cargo ship out from California, so the seller gave me an upgrade for a few dollars more.

It came with two triple-A batteries and a button to press. Kids sure have it easy these days. When I was a boy, we had to blow our whistles. Now it can be done with a thumb. Dude stopped barking the first time I used it, but it has too many decibels and no volume control. The high-pitched tweets shattered a light bulb and caused the garage door to go up.

We asked our neighbor, Ken, if Dude’s antics ever wake him. He says he doesn’t hear him unless he goes outside for a smoke. If Dude is barking, Ken howls like a coyote and says the night becomes quiet. We tried that same approach, but apparently Jane needs to work on her howl. I’d go myself, but my CPAP machine is too much trouble to take off and put back on.

Jane came up with a plan that began with great promise. Dude doesn’t like water, so she hung a hose on the fence and had a talk with him. For a week or so, when he barked excessively, she pointed the nozzle and pulled the trigger. Being tenderhearted, however, she didn’t spray him. She just hit the aluminum downspout to the gutter. It made some noise and got his attention, but he caught on quickly.

So, I’m back to shining the flashlight through the bedroom windows in exchange for brief periods of calm. I am, however, resting exceptionally well between barks, now that I understand the barking is for our protection. Some mornings I’m quite sleepy, but I’ve never felt safer in my life. Dude is still barking, but that’s okay. We’re making a little bit of progress.