The North Pole’s Got Talent

Sandra Wiley invited me to be a guest speaker for some writing classes that she teaches at Fullington Academy.  Knowing that would look good on my resume, I gladly obliged.  The older students realized I was telling them more than I knew, but I think I fooled a few of the younger ones.

Some of those same students are practicing a play titled The North Pole’s Got Talent.  I was told that It’s loosely based on the television show America’s Got Talent, in which performers vie for approval from the judges and audience.

There’s no shortage of talent in America.  I’m not sure, however, that The North Pole has a lot to offer.  I’ve been thinking it over and only came up with a few ideas of what their competitions might include.

Ice fishing would likely be featured.  There is without doubt an inherent stimulation in sitting close to a small hole cut into the ice while watching a handheld line for hours.  When a fish eventually grabs the bait, pandemonium reaches its purest form.  Winter is a dark time at the North Pole, so it’s critical that ice fishing is featured during the summer months.  There’s no doubt that ice fishing could be compellingly described during the darkness, but watching the drama unfold would add further intensity.

Carving ice sculptures would probably be one of the top talents.  I don’t think chainsaws are available, so they use chisels at the North Pole.  I expect the Polarites are exceptionally good at this since they have so much raw material to work with.  In most of America big blocks of ice are not easily obtained.  It would be frowned on in much of the U.S.A. to ruin a good block of ice with poor carving.  At the North Pole you throw that unshapely ice in the scrap pile and cut another chunk from the glacier.  If practice makes perfect, the Polarites have surely perfected this art.

Layering clothes can be a competitive talent.  It wouldn’t be that exciting in Georgia.  We think of layering clothes in small increments.  We consider whether to don a light jacket or maybe a sweater.  At the North Pole it’s not unusual to wear ten layers that measure a foot thick plus four pairs of socks.  That won’t keep you warm long, but it can help you get home to the fire.

Speaking of fire, that might be a good talent to showcase.  Building a fire can be a challenge at the North Pole and keeping it going requires constant attention.  The problem with fires, especially in the igloos, is the water dripping from the ceiling.  A small drip won’t put the fire out, but eventually it leaves a hole in the roof from which the heat escapes.  If someone can solve that problem they might get to the finals, or at least get a contract with the home shopping network.

There may be some folks at the North Pole who train seals or penguins to do tricks.  That could have potential, but they are likely to be competing with American trainers who do the same thing.  To play on the big stage, it’s essential the Polarites showcase something that is unique.

The only thing I can think of that they have a solid lock on is Santa Claus.  I don’t know exactly where Santa lives, but I imagine someone at the North Pole can find him.  If Santa included reindeer and elves in his act, he would surely emerge as the contest winner.  He could tweak Rudolph’s red nose or maybe demonstrate how quickly the elves can make toys.

Santa could go through his nice and naughty list and perhaps give the naughty ones a chance to change their errant ways.  That would get him tons of votes, and the naughty kids would finally get something for Christmas besides another compass.  It’s no fun when the needle always points south.

Maybe for his grand finale, Santa could take a sleigh ride and deliver toys to some of the little Polarites.  The excitement of young faces unwrapping new blocks of ice would surely persuade the judges to give him the big trophy.

If given the opportunity, I will vote as often as allowed for Santa.  I hope that he reads my column.  That might help me to get on his nice list.  The North Pole has definitely got talent!  And I’m one of his biggest fans.

(The Fullington Academy Drama Club will present The North Pole’s Got Talent on Friday, November 30th, at 7 p.m.  The public is invited to attend.)

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